Toilet Trauma!

Eeeek!

We work on the 11th floor of a 12 floor block. We used to have the 12th floor but we don't anymore. Floors 10 and beneath are all occupied by...another company.

On the 11th floor we have a ladies toilet and a disabled toilet. On the 12th floor is the gents toilet and the shower. We had to start sharing the shower when we gave up the 12th floor. This was difficult to deal with.

Whilst we are the uppermost inhabitant of the block, well, there's an unspoken understanding (not to mention combination locks) that these toilets are OURS. Seems fair.

Apparently, as word has it on the grapevine, the 12th floor is to be refitted, to be occupied by the company...below. This will throw our toilet arrangements into chaos; they'll take ownership; they're common like that.

It'll end in tears...and that would be more of a promise, than a warning.

Kids...They're Funny

My neice, oh that's right...there are billions of them; I'll start again.

My sisters daughter, Alice, is a darling; she's three and a half years old, pretty, energetic, hyper-sensitive, emotional, demanding, strong, loud and CONSTANTLY on the go...bless her. Fortunately for my sister, Alice went to stay with her nanna for a couple of days; maybe there is the possibility of some rest time for mummy.

I called my mother, Alice's nanna, last night; I just wanted to make sure that they were getting on okay, you know, make sure that nanna was still moving about and that she hadn't popped her clogs under the stress. Mom picked up the phone and, in the background, the wailing of a banshee...Alice's dulcet tones of course.

"What's wrong with her?" I enquire...it's the polite thing to do.
"It's only Uncle Jamie Alice" says my mother, seemingly trying to calm the child;
"She wouldn't go to bed" she continued "so I told her that she ought to, because Santa Claus was watching her...and then the phone rang, and she thought it was Santa".

How I laughed.

After a while the constant noise that children make is all the same; screaming with joy; shouting with excitement; balling their eyes out; it's all cacophonous and abhorent...notwithstanding the hoards of...traditional folk that don't become rancoured when subjected to it. So it was noise, just noise, the usual noise...but I enjoyed it.

It tickled me that this, particularly loud, noise was my fault; I was Santa, watching the naughty girl who wouldn't go to bed, and, having completely ignored her nanna who wanted her to go to bed, she was suddenly mortified and repentent...but mostly upset.

I might even enjoy Christmas this year.

Ho Ho Ho.

Serial Killer Psychology

He's a mate, a good mate, and I learn alot from him.

He's big into self improvement and has a quickening effect on me with regard to personal development.

He presents a certain...entertaining darkness that makes me look, well, like Mary Poppins when we're together in public.

He's also keen on subliminal programming...

"Feed a cold to starve the fever" he said, and said, and said.

I haven't stopped eating for three days; I'm not any better, but I'm bloody well fattter.

Sharp Shopping

Cor blimey, I've been in a cooking frenzy of late; you can blame Nigella...or rather I can.

I was trapped in a hotel during a recent client review and caught a bit of Nigella Express; the next day I was in the Newcastle office and there was the book, of the show, in the 'book club' selection. Well now, I had been quite taken with the 'lob it all in' approach; Nigella makes it all look easy and scrumptious (okay...shoot me); I bought the book.

So far I have made (and forgive the unappealing meal titles but I'm at home, the book is at the office and my memory is not what it was) chocolate brownies, chicken schnitzel and mushroom linguine...in the last few days I might add...and all to rave reviews. Notwithstanding ones friends capacity for being polite...well some at least...I'm sold; I'm back in the kitchen spirit, just in time for the season of good swill.

The 3 lessons I have learned of late are as follows.

Lesson 1
It is healthier, more rewarding and carries a much higher guarantee of satisfaction having a jolly dinner at home with a good buddy and a bottle of wine or two, than hitting the pub.

Lesson 2
Marks and Spencers is fuck all use for grocery shopping when you need more than wine, chocolates, bread, ready meals and mahusively over priced fruit and veg.

Lesson 3
The old, infirm and generally befuddled are not restricted to pension/benefit day and one should always carry a sharpened umbrella when in need of a focused and efficient shopping experience.

Backwards...or forwards?

So it's all about computers at the moment; my mother 'needs' one for documentation purposes, my nephew needs one for school, my father (who is probably the most up to date with IT) is getting into Linux with his new builds.

At work we've got a selection of old PCs that are securely wiped and need to be disposed of; I've loaded up a few of them with Linux and distributed two of them to my parents (who've been divorced for the past 33 years by the way). As the nephew has a number of gaming requirements I've given him my old PC and opted to get into Linux myself...and it's cool.

Working in IT, I hear the word Linux being uttered in data-centres and support rooms but, like most commercial sheep, I've been with Microsoft since day one...or since the death of the Spectrum. The truth is, now that there are so many PC requirements in the family, Microsoft is just too expensive. Another truth is that, whilst I can govern my own internet security, I don't feel comfortable with anything at my sisters house that isn't bolted to the floor; when they're on the internet, it'll be through Linux.

I have to say, I'm really enjoying getting to grips with the Linux system; we're using Centos 5, which comes with plenty of features and is not so different from any operating system from a windows perpective. It's all open source...i.e. free...and when there's a problem, you just go online, find the solution, and fix it.

I know it sounds simple, and I know I have IT experience and it might not be so easy for everybody else; truth is, I'm hardly a technical guru, it's all common sense and following written instructions.

I'm not going to go and buy VISTA, where would be the fun in that?